Having made the “give all” decision, and not regretting a single moment for the last few days, today I did have a change of heart. My heart for Jesus and God does not change, and will never change, but there are the priorities and the view of what is more important, to me and those close to me.
If you have read another blog post of mine, The Journey: Love Support 6.5.2018, you can see that I had experienced a kind of “SUPPORT” from God, I firmly believe, from time to time. The SUPPORT happened most of the time when I was under big and sometimes huge pressure, which enabled me to change from a mental abyss to a mental summit, and gave me energy and enthusiasm to work even better during my work times. Today morning we had a meeting, which talked about our new accounting system. And being one of the team members who was responsible for typing in the data, I was then to give a demonstration of the typing in procedures in front of about seven colleagues. I was very weak, in the past, to give a public demonstration, and today I was supposed to give an English presentation, which usually frightened me a lot. However, when I thought of the way Peter and other Apostles gave speeches in the past, I today got the confidence and indeed the power to give the presentation in a way that far exceeded my previous expectation. And I was amazed at the way, the flow and the tenacity of my speech that I knew that my speech was “given” with the help of God. It was He who enabled me to make the speech in a flawless way, He helped me and was with me.
Reflecting on this speech afterward, I realized of an important finding of the SUPPORT. The SUPPORT happened was, I firmly believe, in fact, a “time” in which I was supposed to do God’s work. So that every time when I have the SUPPORT, whether it is when I am working, walking in the street, taking a shower, or accompanying my wife to sleep, it is a time I have to work for God. My understanding is, this Godly given power, is given to me so that I have to perform for God at that particular moment. So having realized this, I now come to the conclusion that I have a role to do, on earth, to work for God at particular moments. I may need to work better when I have the SUPPORT at work, or I have to talk to my wife with more dedication when I have the SUPPORT while accompanying her to sleep. I am now 24 hours on alert to work for Him, based on the timing of the SUPPORT that He gives me. My rationale is, the SUPPORT does not happen and given to me randomly, but a Godly lifting to me so that I can, at those time, be better at work, or give a speech, for example. Either it is only a help, or a wake-up call to my thinkings at those times, or I have to work for Him, and I choose to believe in the latter, as today’s SUPPORT for my speech was thus a work for God, on earth.
Because of this blessing and mercy, my second thought is it is more important for me to work for God, because working for Him on earth will affect many lives on earth, rather than give away my everything, to show my love to Him, in one go. At this moment, it is my working age, my responsibility is to work with all of my focus, and my giving all can be deferred at a later time, when I have fully retired from working on earth for God. I know that I have never a moment of doubt of my decision to give all, but currently is not the right time to do such a thing. But God, I love you with all my heart, soul and mind, and I know that performing your will is more important, presently, than I give everything to you. I promise I will do my best since you give me mercy and the gift to work for you on earth, and I will not disappoint you. Again thanks for everything.